Post by Vicki on Jul 17, 2002 3:38:57 GMT
My friend Mary who comes from Scotland but is now living in Portland sent this to me. She swears it's all true.
Excerpts from Letters to UK Housing Councils
These are extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and
Housing
associations throughout the UK: One can't help laughing at the
explanations,
Oh Lordy me! LOL
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt
my
knob off.
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he
put
his foot in the hole in his back passage.
3. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against
my
fence.
4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet
roof.
I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the
wall.
6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife
tripped and
fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?
7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the
walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain
filthy.
8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
cleared.
9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour
and
not fit to drink.
10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning
at
6:00am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is
unsightly
and dangerous.
13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would
like a
third so please send someone round to do something about it.
14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you
please do
something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every
night.
15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy
my
wife.
16. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I
still have had no satisfaction.
17. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
fungus in it.
18. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just
can't
take it any more.
Excerpts from Letters to UK Housing Councils
These are extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and
Housing
associations throughout the UK: One can't help laughing at the
explanations,
Oh Lordy me! LOL
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt
my
knob off.
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he
put
his foot in the hole in his back passage.
3. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against
my
fence.
4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet
roof.
I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the
wall.
6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife
tripped and
fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?
7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the
walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain
filthy.
8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is
cleared.
9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour
and
not fit to drink.
10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning
at
6:00am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is
unsightly
and dangerous.
13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would
like a
third so please send someone round to do something about it.
14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you
please do
something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every
night.
15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy
my
wife.
16. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I
still have had no satisfaction.
17. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has
fungus in it.
18. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just
can't
take it any more.
