Post by Lesley on Apr 29, 2002 4:24:39 GMT
perhaps the following hasn't been seen by everyone (it was sent to me- good thing, i needed a laugh).
please don't tell the cats - they think we don't know about their secret cat diaries.
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and
the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top
of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included
a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent
such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck
between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the foul odor of the
glass tubes they call "beer.." More importantly I overheard that my
confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is
and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got
to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room
his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
please don't tell the cats - they think we don't know about their secret cat diaries.
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and
the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top
of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair...must try this on their bed.
DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike
fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included
a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent
such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck
between my teeth.
DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise
and smell the foul odor of the
glass tubes they call "beer.." More importantly I overheard that my
confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is
and how to use it to my advantage.
DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe
snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got
to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room
his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.
